It’s been very difficult lately to try to get a good night’s rest without waking up throughout the night. I really wish I could blame the constant checking of the baby monitor or the foot in the crevice of my back from my toddler who decided to wake up in the middle of the night. I wish I could blame it on the TV I forgot to turn off yet again or checking on my husband because he’s up late diligently working trying to meet a deadline. I guess I could blame all of this but I know what has been racing through my mind for weeks now.
I have been searching for clarity and feeling like no matter what I am doing, it’s not working. It’s not paying off. I still feel the way that I do. What’s wrong with me? I’m reading my Bible. Why aren’t the scriptures working beyond the time that I read them? I’m praying and constantly talking to God about it. So, why do I feel like He’s not listening? I’m doing all the right things. I’m saying all the right things. And. Nothing!
My Dream Last Night…
There’s a car washing place that I use to love going to. Of course, it cost money monthly if you have a membership but this place made you feel like “you’ve arrived.” So when my husband came to me (in my dream remember), to tell me that we could take the car back to that place, I was elated! I couldn’t believe that we were finally out of the financial strain we had been in.
I arrived at the place and went inside. I told the man behind the counter that I wanted to get my car washed. He went to look up my account. Meanwhile, I was all smiles. We’re back. This feeling felt so good.
When the man returned he explained that after I terminated our membership, for a period of time they continued to charge us and we continued to pay (without us knowing that we were doing this). He then told me that he actually owed us a check for $630. When I looked up at the large computer screen, I saw $24 each day we paid before they finally realized they needed to terminate my membership. I stood there shocked and couldn’t really say much.
Fast forward…I arrived at home and went upstairs to our bathroom. I walked over to our huge Jacuzzi tub (still in my dream – lol) and looked up. Above me, I saw a tall brick wall and ceiling. It was brown, dusty, dirty and damaged. Some of the bricks were broken and looked like they were going to fall. I knew we needed to get this fixed because I didn’t want either one of us to sit in the tub and a brick fall on us. I kept thinking to myself, “how are we going to afford to pay to have this fixed?” I then remembered the check that I had just received from the car washing company. “I hope this $630 will cover the cost to fix this.” Just then, a small piece fell and floated down to my foot. I picked up this beautiful stain glass like piece. It was breathtaking. It was shiny and sparkling, like something you would see in a magical Disney movie. I still can’t get the image out of my head. It wasn’t a perfectly shaped piece but it was stunning!
Lesson Learned? The money I received was totally unexpected. It was money that we had been paying day after day without knowing. The work that you are putting in, day after day – the laundry, the disciplining the children, the cleaning, the weight loss, the friendship, the marriage, the teaching, the Bible reading, the praying – all of it, will pay off when you least expect it. It will not happen overnight. It will take time. It may not feel good. You may even feel defeated at times but, it will pay off. The second part of the dream is where I couldn’t help but smile when I figured out what it meant. The “payoff” is for you, however, ultimately it’s for God’s purpose for someone who is damaged/broken yet still beautiful.
All the hurt, all the questions, all the uncertainties, all the fear, all the hope, all the wisdom, is definitely to help you. But there is someone who has years of bitterness, years of resentment, years of anger, years of trust issues, years of uncertainties, years of disappointments, years of fears, years of damage…who needs your help, your payoff. As you receive the benefits of your season of hard work, remember that God has someone that needs you to put your payoff into their life.
How do we do this especially when we feel like that person or goal is just like that tall brick wall that is hard to reach? Do like I did in the dream. Keep looking up! Keep looking up at Him. Keep reading your Bible. Keep praying. Keep your mind on Him above! And as you keep looking up, He will chip away at those damaged bricks and such a beautiful piece will fall right in front of you.
My mother loves to remind us that “we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” So don’t give up on your health goals, don’t give up on that child who just seems so difficult to reach, don’t give up on that person who you just can’t shake out of your life, don’t give up on your marriage vows, don’t give up! It will pay off. You will see the Goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
The end result may not be the exact ending that you would have created for your life, but as you keep looking up, God will work things out for you so that you can help someone else. Don’t give up! IT WILL PAYOFF!
Thank you, Lord, for this revelation!
(*Please, remember, if it’s something that God does not want for your life, LET IT GO. But make sure it’s Him telling you to walk away and not your own hurt and weary emotions.)
Good night and have a blessed and peaceful weekend!
lessons learned from my homeschool day 