Lesson 27: It Will Pay Off!

It’s been very difficult lately to try to get a good night’s rest without waking up throughout the night.  I really wish I could blame the constant checking of the baby monitor or the foot in the crevice of my back from my toddler who decided to wake up in the middle of the night.  I wish I could blame it on the TV I forgot to turn off yet again or checking on my husband because he’s up late diligently working trying to meet a deadline.  I guess I could blame all of this but I know what has been racing through my mind for weeks now.

I have been searching for clarity and feeling like no matter what I am doing, it’s not working.  It’s not paying off.  I still feel the way that I do.  What’s wrong with me? I’m reading my Bible.  Why aren’t the scriptures working beyond the time that I read them? I’m praying and constantly talking to God about it. So, why do I feel like He’s not listening? I’m doing all the right things. I’m saying all the right things.  And. Nothing!

My Dream Last Night…

There’s a car washing place that I use to love going to.  Of course, it cost money monthly if you have a membership but this place made you feel like “you’ve arrived.” So when my husband came to me (in my dream remember), to tell me that we could take the car back to that place, I was elated! I couldn’t believe that we were finally out of the financial strain we had been in.

I arrived at the place and went inside.  I told the man behind the counter that I wanted to get my car washed.  He went to look up my account.  Meanwhile, I was all smiles.  We’re back.  This feeling felt so good.

When the man returned he explained that after I terminated our membership, for a period of time they continued to charge us and we continued to pay (without us knowing that we were doing this).  He then told me that he actually owed us a check for $630.  When I looked up at the large computer screen, I saw $24 each day we paid before they finally realized they needed to terminate my membership.  I stood there shocked and couldn’t really say much.

Fast forward…I arrived at home and went upstairs to our bathroom. I walked over to our huge Jacuzzi tub (still in my dream – lol) and looked up.  Above me, I saw a tall brick wall and ceiling.  It was brown, dusty, dirty and damaged.  Some of the bricks were broken and looked like they were going to fall.  I knew we needed to get this fixed because I didn’t want either one of us to sit in the tub and a brick fall on us.  I kept thinking to myself, “how are we going to afford to pay to have this fixed?” I then remembered the check that I had just received from the car washing company.  “I hope this $630 will cover the cost to fix this.” Just then, a small piece fell and floated down to my foot.  I picked up this beautiful stain glass like piece.  It was breathtaking.  It was shiny and sparkling, like something you would see in a magical Disney movie.  I still can’t get the image out of my head.  It wasn’t a perfectly shaped piece but it was stunning!

Lesson Learned? The money I received was totally unexpected.  It was money that we had been paying day after day without knowing.  The work that you are putting in, day after day – the laundry, the disciplining the children, the cleaning, the weight loss, the friendship, the marriage, the teaching, the Bible reading, the praying – all of it, will pay off when you least expect it. It will not happen overnight.  It will take time.  It may not feel good.  You may even feel defeated at times but, it will pay off.    The second part of the dream is where I couldn’t help but smile when I figured out what it meant.  The “payoff” is for you, however, ultimately it’s for God’s purpose for someone who is damaged/broken yet still beautiful.

All the hurt, all the questions, all the uncertainties, all the fear, all the hope, all the wisdom, is definitely to help you.  But there is someone who has years of bitterness, years of resentment, years of anger, years of trust issues, years of uncertainties, years of disappointments, years of fears, years of damage…who needs your help, your payoff.  As you receive the benefits of your season of hard work, remember that God has someone that needs you to put your payoff into their life.

How do we do this especially when we feel like that person or goal is just like that tall brick wall that is hard to reach? Do like I did in the dream.  Keep looking up! Keep looking up at Him.  Keep reading your Bible.  Keep praying.  Keep your mind on Him above! And as you keep looking up, He will chip away at those damaged bricks and such a beautiful piece will fall right in front of you.

My mother loves to remind us that “we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” So don’t give up on your health goals, don’t give up on that child who just seems so difficult to reach, don’t give up on that person who you just can’t shake out of your life, don’t give up on your marriage vows, don’t give up! It will pay off.  You will see the Goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!

The end result may not be the exact ending that you would have created for your life, but as you keep looking up, God will work things out for you so that you can help someone else.  Don’t give up! IT WILL PAYOFF!

Thank you, Lord, for this revelation!

(*Please, remember, if it’s something that God does not want for your life, LET IT GO.  But make sure it’s Him telling you to walk away and not your own hurt and weary emotions.)

Lesson #17: There is BEAUTY in the icky MESS

For the past few weeks I have dealt with quite a bit and frankly, I’m tired.  I wanted to write but did not want to vent my frustrations and my hurt out onto you guys.  Then I got to a point last week where I just didn’t want to write at all.  I’m sure I had several experiences to learn from and to share with you but they were clouded by things going through my mind.  Then yesterday happened and even though I’m still hurting I could not pass up this opportunity to share a lesson that was very loud and very clear and of course, very icky.

My 8-month old baby girl is moving – quickly I might add – and getting into everything! If you have ever had a little one in your house, then you know what that means.  It’s time to get on the floor and move around as you spot the little things they will spot and put into their mouths.  Unfortunately, some of us by the third child may not do this proactive thorough inspection.  Instead, we vacuum (maybe) and then run shouting, “noooo!” as we try to stop them from putting something into their mouths.

Well, yesterday, I was very proud of myself because I got a chance to clean and vacuum in the middle of a school day, while having a very successful potty training day with my toddler and all without it interrupting the school day.  YES! So of course, I was very surprised to hear my daughter choking as I was teaching.  After all, what could she be choking on? Without hesitation, of course, I ran, picked her up and scooped my finger through her mouth.  It wasn’t easy because my joyful healthy baby loves to eat, smile and keep things from you (and she just so happened to be doing that all at one time). I had no idea what was in her mouth.  Surprisingly, I was very calm yet actively pursuing this thing that she seemed to not just be choking on but still chewing.  I went in one more time trying to scoop whatever it was out without causing her to go into a panic.

“Lord, help me.” Within seconds of me saying this, out came her lunch all over my cute black outfit I put together just before my husband left for work. Down it went, inside and outside my shirt, down my pant leg, onto my shoes and finally on the exercise mat we just put down for my toddler to practice her tumbling skills.  With my older two looking how I felt, they simultaneously said “ewwww, that’s disgusting.” While my baby girl was smiling and trying to grab hold of the mess that just came out of her, I went searching for whatever it was that she was choking on.  Nothing!

As I wiped up the last bit praying that whatever it was doesn’t hurt her and that it comes out at some point, my daughter (sitting right next to me) coughed and out came bottle #1 (breakfast)! Immediately, I had to scoop her up because she grabbed something and tried to put it back into her mouth (did I mention that some of my lessons learned were pretty icky?!?) As I searched through this icky mess, I finally spotted a long and wide piece of clear plastic! I still don’t know where it came from but the lesson that hit me right away was “Just wait. There is beauty in the mess. Don’t miss it.”

The plastic, that was the cause of the mess, wasn’t beautiful at all; but, the fact that my daughter was no longer choking and that she was okay was beautiful.  Whatever you may be going through right now is not pretty or beautiful at all.  The cause of the icky mess is awful! Calling the situation as it is…Awful, ugly, horrible, unfair…But the end result, the stuff that comes as a result of the icky mess, as a result of the thing that even caused the icky mess, yes, that stuff is beautiful.  Sometimes, I get caught up in trying to figure out what’s causing the icky mess that I miss what needs to be done and ultimately my search (or obsession) with trying to figure it out, causing to overshadow the beautiful end result. Therefore, instead of continuing to search for something that was not there, I began to clean and pray.

The icky mess could not remain on my floor.  That would be just gross.  Just like the icky mess in your life, can’t just remain in your life.  You have to clean it up! How do you do that? With every wipe, I prayed.  With every tear, I will pray for those involved. With every question, I will take to God. With every down mood, I will hug my children or my husband (he LOVES those).  With every doubt, I will wipe it away with a thankful picture. This icky mess will not remain in my life.  I am on a mission to get it cleaned up! I don’t know exactly what’s causing the icky mess but it will eventually come out.  However, I’m no longer looking for what’s causing the icky mess.  I am now looking for the BEAUTY that will be the result of the icky MESS! I don’t want to miss this one!

Lesson #14: Study + Focus + Practice = MASTERY!

In a typical school day, we cover many subjects and topics – some very fascinating and some not so much.  It seems like my son really enjoys homeschooling and the majority of the things we learn.  So it baffles me when people ask him what did he learn or do in school today, his response is “ummmm” and then turns to look at me as to say “do you remember what we learned today?” Really, son! All the hard work and care I put into personalizing these lessons for him and he doesn’t remember what we learned.  I can’t tell you how frustrated I have gotten in the past about this very scenario.  Then one day someone told me, “He doesn’t know because he truly didn’t learn it.”

“Blah to you,” is what I really wanted to say.  But as I tucked away my hurt feelings and really took the time to get over me and listen to a veteran homeschooler, I had to admit, she was right.  My son can tell you about every scenario possible in a video game.  Why? Because he has studied it, focused on every aspect of it and practiced it over and over again until he mastered it.  He took a math test today and the parts he answered correctly, took him months to conquer.  Now, it’s so easy to him because he studied it, focused on every step and practiced it over and over again until he mastered it.

Sometimes as homeschool parents, we want to get through the text book to feel like we have accomplished our school year goal.  However, as I have yet to finish a non-math book, I am learning to relax a bit.  I would much rather my son master a few things than to not know much of anything we learned.  Just now I’m realizing the same about the Word of God.  I would much rather master a few scriptures and lessons from the Bible, than to be able to quote a bunch of scriptures with no evidence what so ever that I am practicing what I am quoting.

Now, I am not saying to not try to complete your textbooks or to just master a few scriptures in your life and keep on moving.  No, I am saying that sometimes small chunks at a time are better than a boatload of information.  Sometimes I receive wonderful revelations from reading the Bible but by the end of the day, I can’t remember what I read or learned during my morning Bible time.  It frustrates me because I so want to remember what God reveals to me.  But how?  There are so many wonderful revelations and so many wonderful lessons…how can I possibly remember them all?  By doing what my son does when he is determined to “conquer” something.  I will study that scripture or passage, focus on every part of it (by writing it down) and then practicing it over and over again until I have mastered it.  It may take me more than a year to read the bible or a book in the bible or even a chapter in a bible, BUT, I will have mastered what God revealed to me (instead of moving on just to say I read something in the Bible).

How do you master a lesson learned in your life? Do you have to experience something before you get it? Is it easy for you to just hear it once and you’ve got it down? What works for you? Please share. You never know who you may encourage or help.

Saturday Quote & Tip #4

This weekend I am taking some time to spend with my husband – uninterrupted us time.  I’ve noticed that when life gets busy these are the three persons who get slighted: 1) God, 2) my husband and 3) myself.  It’s very rare that I find “extra” time so I am learning to set out time on purpose for God, my husband and myself.  I have to spend time with God in the morning (or at some point in the day).  When I don’t do this, my day tends to be hectic and lacks peace.  I feel like I am lacking guidance and direction as well as feeling like the day went by faster with less accomplished.

I have to purposefully spend time with my husband. If I don’t do this, I miss him.  We miss each other.  And then our communication begins to suffer as well as intimacy.  Some of you may not be able to get away or you may choose not to go away because you do not want to leave your children.  That is totally understandable.  We all have to do what works for us.  But please, if you are married, put the children to bed early and spend some time with your husband.  Ask him what he wants to do and bless him with that very thing.  He may just want to watch a movie with you or get a back rub from you.  NO matter what it is, DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR HUSBAND! Let him know that he is very important to you and that you thank God for him.

I have to purposefully spend time with me.  I tend to neglect myself the most.  On my getaway with my husband, I felt bad because I couldn’t find anything to wear that looked nice on me.  I keep saying “I really have to lose weight” but now I’m at the point where I want to stop saying it and just jump right on in and do it! I have to purposefully set aside at least 15-30 minutes a day to exercise.  I also need to take some time to just breathe and relax.  It doesn’t have to take long but it is needed.  I remember my mom telling me often that Esther took 6 months to prepare for the king internally and 6 months to prepare for the king externally.  Therefore, your insides and outsides do count! So take some time, again, it doesn’t have to take a long time, but purposefully set some time aside for you (internally and externally).

That’s it for today! Time to spend more quality fun time with hubby! Talk to you guys on Monday!

Lesson #10: CELEBRATE (even over the little things)!

I’m sitting at the kitchen table, when out of the corner of my eye, I see my son coming into the kitchen.  He stops right beside me and breaks out into this two-step, slide and then this crazy dance! I couldn’t help but give him the head-to-the-side look that says “ooookkkkkaaaayyyy.” With the biggest smile on his face, he shouts out “I took the paper out of my workbook without ripping it.” Then breaks out into, what I like to call, the Happy Geek Dance. 

The Happy Geek Dance is only done with you are so filled with excitement that every ounce of rhythm that may be in your body, cannot catch up to the excitement that is bursting through your limbs.  This dance is ONLY DONE AT HOME!!!! Well, until now.  I accidentally showed a dear friend of mine The Happy Geek Dance when he told me that after almost 20 years, God blessed Him with a long awaited gift.  I couldn’t control it.  My mind said “hold it in” but before my brain was able to send that message to my body, it was TOO late.  It came out in such a way that he said “ohhhh, that’s the Happy Geek Dance.” AHHHH! Did I really do that in public? And at church (of all places)! I’ve tried to keep it hidden since that accident took place.

Well, last week, after seeing my son break out into his own version of The Happy Geek Dance, I decided to break out my dance more often.  We have to celebrate life – the big and the not so big victories.  Being able to tear a page out of his math notebook was huge for my son.  He had been practicing this skill for the past two years (we use the same math curriculum company every year and this was just not a good reason to stop using this awesome program) and he finally achieved his goal.  Why not celebrate over a workbook page you didn’t rip this time? Why not celebrate over the load of laundry you were able to get done today? Why not celebrate over getting from Point A to Point B in your car WITHOUT road rage stirring up on the inside (or the outside)? Why not celebrate you were able to take a shower before noon or actually wash your hair and style it while the baby is sleeping? Why not celebrate when you are able to have dinner on the table and it’s not processed or fast foods? WHY. NOT. CELEBRATE?!?!?

As a homeschool mom, I don’t get the accolades that I received when I worked outside the home.  I don’t get the “Outstanding” evaluations along with a monetary bonus.  I don’t get to close my office door to take a breather before my next task.  But what I do get is to be able to stop what I’m doing and celebrate over the little things with my children.  So whether you work outside the home or not, whether you receive the accolades or the bonuses or the quiet time without little fingers poking out from under the door or not, Celebrate (even over the little things)!

“Rejoice always…” I Thessalonians 5:16

Lesson #4: Feed Your Family First

I have been working on preparing the night before and up until Sunday, it was working.  Sure, it had only been three days but those three days were an epic success. Then Saturday night-Sunday morning happened.  Every now and then, I forget that I’m not as young as I use to be and I decide to pretty much pull an “all-nighter” getting things in order or watching a movie or just hanging with the hubby.  It wasn’t until 3am, that I realized I have to get up in less than 4 hours to get ready for a very busy Sunday.  Clothes were laid out and everything except…

“Oh my goodness, I forgot to give the kids breakfast!” I yelled, smacking myself on the forehead, as we headed to church.  My 2 year old was already at the church for Awana Puggles with my sister-in-law and getting ready for Toddler Worship.  I rush into the church, all bags in hand and following my husband to the Toddler room.  As soon as I approach, I see my daughter give me this look that broke my heart.  You know the look that your children give you when they receive one of their first series of shots? That look they give you right before they let out their painful cry? That look that says, “why are you doing this to me. I trusted you.”  Yep, that look! Then the dreaded words come out of a loving and caring adult’s mouth, “ [She] said she’s ‘hungry.’ Did she eat breakfast this morning?” UGH! Right in the gut.  CRUSHED!

As they lovingly took care of my daughter, I walked up the stairs to set up for youth ministry. The ladies did not judge me but, they didn’t have to. I already did.  “Feed your family first” I kept hearing as I set up the room for the older children to come up.  “Feed your family first.” It was so clear and so repetitive, that I had to stop and sit down.  I kept the tears in but the guilt I felt wasn’t going away as I saw my daughter’s face over and over again in my head.  “Feed your family first.”

After a while, I knew the words were from my loving Savior but the condemnation that set in was not.  I slowly got up and reminded myself that this was a lesson that I needed to learn and one that we can all use a reminder.  “Feed Your Family First.” Sometimes we get so busy with life and others that we tend to forget to give our family the best of us.  I managed to go to the store and get snacks for the youth ministry but did not get my children anything to eat.  I didn’t even check to see if my husband was okay in the midst of all the hustle and bustle.  (He’s a very timely person and we were really late.) I didn’t even thank him for all his help that morning.

“Feed your family first.” This doesn’t just mean physically.  We need to give the best to our family – spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally – instead of giving them the scraps (what’s left of us). As we seek the Lord, feeding ourselves, we should realize that all He has for us to do, He will give us the strength, the time and the ability to do it.  BUT we must then “feed our family first” and then other second. Wives, this especially goes for us in the area of “feeding” our husband’s first instead of giving them what’s left of us at the end of the day (and usually we give them sleep).  So without going into too much detail, wives, you know what I’m talking about!

So, please remember, in all the hustle and bustle of life and the responsibilities that we know God has given to us, “FEED YOUR FAMILY FIRST!”

“Jesus told her, ‘First I should help my own family…’”

Mark 7:27a

Lesson #2: Keeping This Cape On!

Running from the building to the car, in the cold rain, while pushing a double stroller with one hand and rolling my co-op teacher bag (aka a small black suitcase) with my tote bag strapped to it, I thought I heard my SuperMom Theme Song in the background as my red cape blew with the wind.  I. AM. SUPER. MOM! I made it to my MomMobile.  The doors slide back with a push of a button and before I know it the toddler is in and the car seat is strapped into the seat – tight and secure. Double stroller folded up with a combination one-two and then a tttthhhhhhrrrrreeeeeee.  Okay, so my mighty powers can’t fold and put away a double stroller that easily but stay with me folks.  I finally sit in the driver’s seat, take a deep breath and smile.  “Thank you, God!”

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So many times I’ve gotten frustrated with my children for doing the same thing I do to God.  My toddler believes she can do whatever her big brother does, just to wind up hurting herself.  My son acts like he’s the girls’ father, only to wind up frustrated because his 2 year old sister “just won’t listen!” to him. In both scenarios, I’m looking at both of them thinking to myself, “If they would just listen to me and do what they are supposed to do, then none of this would happen.” So as I sit in my MomMobile, thinking about what I was just able to do and then turning my satisfying look into a confused look, I begin to realize that I have come upon situations that were far less difficult than what I just accomplished.

We tend to wear many capes (or hats whichever works for you) and I’m beginning to wonder if the capes we are wearing are actually draining our “super powers.” Like my children, are we trying to play a role that was not meant for us to play? Are we running around day in and day out drained because we are wearing the wrong capes? It’s been awhile since I opened a comic book but I do know that Robin knows his strengths, weaknesses and who he receives his missions from – Batman.  Robin doesn’t try to be Batman because he knows his purpose.  They work well together because each super hero operates in their respective roles.  (Now, comic book fans, please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. It has been awhile.)

“For I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power” (Philippians 4:13 The Living Bible). I was designed to receive missions from God.  He gives me the strength and the power to do the things that HE ASKS me to do.  That’s it! Not the long list of things that I think WOULD MAKE ME LOOK GOOD but all the things He asks me to do that MAKES ME BETTER! A friend of mine tends to tell me to take my cape off.  She cares so much for me and doesn’t want me to be stressed.  On one hand, she is correct.  I need to take all the “capes” off that I should not be wearing. But on the other hand, God has given me POWER and STRENGTH and MISSIONS!  Keeping God first and reading the Bible, helps me to see exactly what my daily missions are to look like. Wearing the RIGHT CAPE (clothed in His Power and Strength) is actually a good thing and will help me accomplish all that He wants me to do – every difficult and not so difficult task. So from this day forward, I am Keeping This Cape On!